And there in lies the very root of your problem. You are still acting as if you are a solider. You are not. You are a man, nothing more, nothing else. Act as one. All the honor and pride to your duty will do you no good here. You may never actually return to where you came from. So accept your fate, live as you are meant to live. Embrace the life of a worthless mongrel. It may actually do you some good.