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[Diarmuid's been a bit scarce since the Lovers shadow was defeated. The whole mess gave him something of a shock, all things considered, and so he kept mostly to himself for a little while. But he grew tired of that quickly, and now that things had calmed down the former Servant tried to get back to what passed for normal.]

[Just before he left his hotel room that afternoon, a hardcover book resting on the table caught his eye--how long had he owned it for? Nearly as long as he'd been in Prospero, surely. In fact he recalled buying it not very long after awakening his Persona. Diarmuid wanted to revisit things, to again hear the legends that had been so commonly told when he was younger. He had admired the strength and loyalty of that knight, as well as the courage to meet his end with laughter and acceptance.]

[But in this era, the legend of the Hound of Ulster was not the only one to have come from their homeland. Diarmuid had left his own story behind, written with every small action he'd taken in life. Maybe it was finally time to see what sort of record was left behind.]

['You are not guilty of the geis which has been laid upon you', said Oisin, 'and I tell you to follow Grainne, and keep yourself well against the wiles of Fionn.'

'And what counsel do you give me, Diorruing?'

'I tell you to follow Grainne, though your death will come of it and I grieve for it.']

[It was not a happy tale. Diarmuid had certainly known that even as he lived through it. From the very first night he and all around him had known the story's end was already written. But what more could he have done? From the moment she laid eyes on him, there was no other path he could follow and still preserve his pride as a knight.]

['It was no long time after that when Fionn and the fianna of Erin came up, and the agonies of death and of instant dissolution were then coming upon Diarmuid.

'It likes me well to see thee in that plight, O Diarmuid,' said Fionn; 'and I grieve that all the women of Erin are not now gazing upon thee: for thy excellent beauty is turned to ugliness, and thy choice form to deformity.']

[...Even if it ended badly. No, it didn't matter how it ended. Death had come with no regrets great enough worth mentioning, and oh, how he ever missed the days when he could forgive so easily.]

[Sitting alone on a park bench, Diarmuid closed the book he held and slowly reached up to take his glasses off. A moment or two passed in silence, his expression unreadable and perhaps even a little cold. Then...he just smiled to himself, slowly. There was no way to change his past, and also nothing he would have done differently. He couldn't live up to his full expectations, but Diarmuid had confidence that he'd done his best. So...it was alright. He could try one last time for a life without a tragic ending.]

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[He laughed as well, a little awkwardly.]

I think I would consider myself lucky, in such a position.

True enough. Considering how half the island's acting now, guess that means I got off easily.

[Not that he'd be acting awkward anyway, but...]

Sorry, didn't mean to ruin your good mood. I was just a bit worried, is all.

It was startling, but I think everything will begin to return to normal now.

And I assure you that you've not ruined anything.

Glad to hear it. Looking at it again, that question was pretty tactless, even by my standards.

What've you been up to? Keeping yourself busy?

I am the same as ever, now that things have calmed down somewhat.

That doesn't tell me much about how you're keeping yourself sane against all the tedium, here.

I think only time can handle that particular problem. I've had months to become accustomed to it.

I was afraid you were going to say that.

I am sorry I could not have been of more help to you. But I have no real answer for that.

Personally, I think given the situation I came from, the sheer monotony of many things here was something I may well have needed.

Don't worry about it. "To each their own", right?

[He sighs.]

Guess I should take some time to actually enjoy the peace and quiet, for once.

It does take a fair amount of getting used to.

[There was a thoughtful pause, Diarmuid's hand tightening on the book still held behind him.]

But...it's nice, having the chance to live for one's own reasons.

[There's a pause, and a thoughtful look in Cu Chulainn's eyes before he responds.] I like to think that's what I was doing before -- no, I'm pretty sure it was. I was fortunate enough to have that luxury, at least.

...I'm afraid I'm not like you.

[And though he wouldn't admit it, finally saying so did sting terribly on some level.]

I do not think I have ever truly had that chance. At least not until my arrival here. That is not to say I was unhappy with that fact, just...I envy you somewhat for that.

[He nods slowly.] Like I said, I was fortunate. Though, whether or not my wishes merely were the same as my lord's or not is questionable, I guess. Not that it matters to me in the end.

I like being able to decide for myself how I'm going to live. It's...almost completely foreign and I do not know what to do with myself half the time, but it is a more than welcome change from my usual standards.

...I feel I should consider myself selfish, but after all this I can no longer find it within myself to care if it is or not.

Edited 2012-03-02 06:24 (UTC)

I can't really say that taking an apathetic approach to things is a good idea, most of the time. I'll make an exception on this topic though.

It's good to live for yourself a little.

...yes, I think that you are right about that.

Hey, I've gotta be right some times. If I've gotta pick only one thing, I'd be pleased enough if it was that.

I think you sell yourself a little too short.

Probably. [At least... try to deny it. Sheesh.] Then again, so do you. Means I'm in good company.

I appreciate it, but I don't think that I do.

Give it time, you'll come to see my way of thinking. Though, I think it's safe to say it's not just mine alone.

If you insist. I'm certainly not about to argue with you.

Right. It's too nice of a day to argue. [Despite... well, whatever weather is happening. Schrodinger's sunlight.]

[He inclines his head slightly, a vague gesture to the hidden book. Grinning all the while.]

How about we chat over literature, instead.

Wh--I-I wasn't...I mean, it is really nothing of any particular...er...

[DAMNED HONESTY]

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