tvk | ⚔ 016; [video]

I-if anyone has a moment, I'm having a small problem. [This was the understatement of the millennium.]

I'd like to ask how...h-how...er...forgive me, I am having some trouble articulating things today. [Diarmuid adjusted the glasses he wore, seeming hesitant to look directly at the camera at first.]

Imagine one that...has gone through life without anger or hatred. This individual had never felt spite, resentment, or even a shred of those kind of things. He did all he could to put others and their happiness before himself and his own, finding contentment and joy in doing so. But after a certain point, that person...he found someone that did something so deplorable that it left that person filled with rage and spite.

He found someone that he hated. And no matter how he tried, that person could not simply forgive what was done to earn that hatred.

I beg of you, Prospero. Someone please tell me how that person can go back to the way he was. Before he could feel anger and spite, back when he could still grant forgiveness.

[Diarmuid looked away for a moment; he was unsure, even worried.]

Fionn, Grainne-- [Gods, what would they think of him when they knew?] ...there is something I have not yet told you. Forgive me for not doing so until now.

Arturia... [Another pause. She had been there when he had died, she knew the horrible rage he had unleashed that day. Cursing her, Kayneth, Kiritsugu, even the Grail itself. Again he worried that she must secretly detest such a hateful spirit.] When you have the time...I would like to speak with you. Please.

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[Oh, hello, story of his life. How are you today.]

There is no way to undo such a hatred, unfortunately. Once one understands that the world can contain something worth hating, that knowledge cannot be erased. My advice would be, instead of attempting to hide from that knowledge, attempting to make the world a better place despite it.

...nothing at all? [He'd assumed as much, really. But he had hoped he was wrong.]

Hiding from it was what created those Shadows not so long ago. Doing so now would be foolish.

Then why ask how to forget? Forgetting is merely another form of hiding. We are what our experiences makes us, after all. I took my rage and hate and rebuilt a country; even the most negative emotions can be used for good.

Mo chuisle mo chroí, I do detest this magical artifact. Will you not speak with me in person?

[ Something twists it's way into her heart as doubt circulates insecurities locked within her mind. Fright tugs at her as her eyes dull as she falls back into a hollow state she had before. Her bliss was only momentarily, she knows this much, but for her beloved to betray her by giving her name so freely alongside that of a certain lord's own.

To the shadows she'll have to return. Hiding and running, all for she was weak-minded and gave in after all of that time. He had damned her and all for what? That other name is one she's never heard before, but it was them he sought out instead of her.

Was she discarded already? From a man with whom she bore children with, she was no longer wanted? That must be it and even if these thoughts incite rage within her mind, there's no ill words to follow just yet. ]

Tell me.

I just...don't want to hate anyone. I don't want to continue being so terribly angry. I wish to discard it and move on somehow...and yet I'm sure that's not possible.

I am no one so great that I can accomplish such things. And I can't understand how such a sentiment can be used so productively.

Of course, a muirnín. Would you rather I sought you out, or will you come over here?

I remain where I always do when I seek my privacy.

[ Come at her bro. Literally. Bring flowers or something. ]

I will be there momentarily.

[He's far too shaken up to think of bringing flowers. But he'll bring hugs.]

[Knock knock?]

Some things cannot be undone. You cannot go back to being the man you once were. Time... Changes all. And it flows forwards.

And some things are not worth forgiving.

[ She'll give a cautious peer through the crack of the door before she allows him in as always, stepping back to permit him the space needed. The hotel room doesn't have the natural lights on or anything of the sort - she's taken to something more familiar in the form of colorful wax and wicks. ]

It may have helped that all the bad I have thus-far undone was caused by the object of my hate, and so motivation was easy to come by.

There is no way to discard hate. You can certainly move on, occupy yourself with other matters, but that hurt will always be there. Think of it as a wound: no matter how deep, it will eventually heal over and leave a scar. I'm afraid all you can do is learn to live with it.

I am very familiar with the workings of time and the fact that it can not be truly reversed. But what I am not familiar with is that which can simply not be forgiven.

[You know those hugs he brought with him? Have one right about now.]

...I suppose that makes logical sense. But then tell me this; how does one cope with such a thing? It's like...there's this terrible flame in the back of my mind, and I feel as if it will intensify until it burns all that I am and all that I have.

Find an outlet. This place is full of enemies at night: pour your hatred into fighting them. The only thing that kept me from going insane was immediately finding something with which to occupy myself: a way to burn off the energy, to use your flame metaphor.

[And with 'only thing that kept him from going insane', he's being quite literal. A Spark in a rage is all Id and no Superego. They'll destroy everything in their path until something forcibly stops them, and then it's a battle of 'unstoppable force meets an immovable object'.]

Edited 2012-01-08 00:26 (UTC)

[ It would be rude to not give one in return, so she will. ]

What I need to tell you...it's probably unbelievable. But I want you to hear it from me before you should hear from any other.

Hatred, though a powerful negative emotion, is also part of being a sentient being. It is the other side of love, its reflection. I'm not saying to embrace it, or to even enjoy it, it's just nothing to be ashamed of.

You can't go back to the way you were unfortunately.

I didn't honestly expect there would be such a way to reverse things. But I couldn't help holding on to the small hope that perhaps I could.

My ears are all yours just as they always have been.

[ A soft and distant voice replies. ]

I would say that this is your chance to become familiar with it. For you will need to. You are quite exceptional, to have lived so long without experiencing something unforgiveable.

Some rage is just. Is this rage just?

You may wish to sit down for this. It's something of a long story.

[ But that means no more hugging from the woobie ;_;.. With a nod, she withdraws from him and walks over to sit on the edge of the bed in the room. ]

Will I require a drink as well?

I understand that feeling. However, even with hatred one can still be a good person. Yes it changes you but at the same time you can choose not to let it destroy you.

...truly, I do not know. I can not say if he honestly deserves such hatred; but I know that whether he does or not, I would feel the same regardless.

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