Lancer || Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
croibhristeoir) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tvk2011-11-27 07:35 pm
croibhristeoir) wrote in tvk2011-11-27 07:35 pm
Entry tags:
⚔ 011; [video]
Fionn mac Cumhaill.
[His voice was completely steady, expression as resigned as one who awaited the fall of an executioner's blade. Diarmuid had reached his resolution, and this was all he had left to do.]
You and I need to settle things. Meet me outside the hotel tonight before sunset if you can. I'll be unarmed, and I would ask the same of you.
[Diarmuid would of course be waiting exactly where he said he'd be, in civilian clothes and wearing a new pair of glasses. He didn't need them, no. But as he'd mentioned to Issei, he preferred wearing them here--it was a symbol of the normal human life he'd accepted in this place.]
[He was calm and collected, at least visibly. Inwardly? He was terrified, and had no idea why.]
[His voice was completely steady, expression as resigned as one who awaited the fall of an executioner's blade. Diarmuid had reached his resolution, and this was all he had left to do.]
You and I need to settle things. Meet me outside the hotel tonight before sunset if you can. I'll be unarmed, and I would ask the same of you.
[Diarmuid would of course be waiting exactly where he said he'd be, in civilian clothes and wearing a new pair of glasses. He didn't need them, no. But as he'd mentioned to Issei, he preferred wearing them here--it was a symbol of the normal human life he'd accepted in this place.]
[He was calm and collected, at least visibly. Inwardly? He was terrified, and had no idea why.]
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...Perhaps this matter could be dealt with before both of them ended up being hurt by each other.
Or perhaps it will degenerate into the hatred he once felt for him, for it had never disappeared, just repressed.]
...Diarmuid, of what purpose do you call me for?
[He was unarmed, and in civilian clothes when he appeared before Diarmuid, for his old armor is not befitting to move about during the daylight.]
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First and most importantly, I wish it to be made clear that I hold no resentment for you in my heart. [And as he had always done, Diarmuid spoke with absolute honesty.] I am not happy about how things ended, and I never meant to break apart the Fianna as I am sure I did. But I have no anger or hatred for you or anyone else I had the honor of sharing my life with.
I just...I want to know why, Fionn. I thought you forgave me--I would rather have spent my entire life running than had to endure knowing you were able to look me in the eye and give me naught but false forgiveness. I would have rather died by your sword than fall knowing that. [Desperation crept into his voice now; while there was no hatred or anger in his heart, there was pain enough to outweigh any other emotion.]
Say what you will about what I did, but I never lied to you or anyone else even once.
So...why? Was what I did so wrong in your eyes when you know I had no other choice? What else would you possibly have had me do when under a geas like that?
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Something that he had not been able to do after his death.
All of the words that Diarmuid spoke were true. He had forgiven him, but even then it was just that, a forgiveness that didn't absolve him of his hatred towards Diarmuid. True, that hatred was pretty unacceptable when seen from a modern term, but back then, Diarmuid, his own right hand man, had committed the greatest treason a knight could ever inflict to him.
...So it was completely justifiable that the hatred persisted until Diarmuid's end, after which he lamented it.]
...
[He did not dare to speak at first. It was true that the boy was under the commands of a geas by her, and he had no choice to follow. However, when it comes to hatred, rationality tends to leave the minds of even heroes.]
...Hatred, my boy, leads men to do many a deeds, most of them terrible.
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But I did what was right. Surely you know that as well as I.
It broke my heart to leave your side. And I knew from that moment I had marked myself for death. I may as well have died that very night.
I do not ask forgiveness. I never did, and I never shall. But know only that disappointing you tore me apart, and I shall never forgive myself even if the entire world does.
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[The denial was so strong that Fionn was a bit surprised by it himself. How could he seek an apology from his own Knight? After all, everything that happened was his fault. His and not Diarmuid. For that was the truth and he knew it. He seeks forgiveness from his own men, but he knew that it will never happen.]
...I am merely seeking redemption, another purpose for this hollowed second life of mine.
[After all, Fionn Mac Cumhaill was dead and forgotten, as far as this period is concerned, and that to him.
Was good enough.]
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[Even if his own second chance had been nothing but an utter failure.]
[Hesitantly, Diarmuid held out his hand with an awkward smile.]
I know things will surely never be the same as they once were. And I know I'm still unhappy about how things ended.
Just...know that I forgive you. Even if you can never do the same for me.
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...That phrase rung in his head a few times before the implication hits his brain like a bullet hitting his head. Diarmuid forgave him.
He, the knight that he had betrayed himself.
He forgave him.
...Without even thinking about it, he grabs Diarmuid's offered hand, and with a lighter tone to his usual gruff one, said:]
...Perhaps...
['There is still hope for me.']
We could start all over again.
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[Maybe his unhappy ending didn't have to be so unhappy after all. That was really all he'd desired from the Grail, wasn't it? Just a chance to make up for how things had ended on Benn Gulbain so long ago. Now he had a chance to find the less miserable ending his heart had so desired.]
I would like that, Fionn. Truly and honestly, I would.
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...Do you know if there's a tavern nearby?
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[With that, he's allowing Diarmuid to lead the way.]
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[With an honest and heartfelt smile, Lancer turned and started to walk--putting his glasses back on as he did.]