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[croibhristeoir]

This is Diarmuid Ua Duibhne. The real one.

Please disregard anything you may have been told by the last person on this network claiming to be me. I'm sorry for the confusion.

[action]

[Wherever Saber's living now, early that evening there would be a knock on her door by a very unhappy-looking Diarmuid.]

Comments

[stripping.livejournal.com]

[A bitter chuckle.] What do you think the sword is for?

[croibhristeoir]

What, are you going to kill me?

Please. Go ahead and try.

[The complete lack of sarcasm was probably the most worrying part of that.]

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Of course not. I could never raise a hand to you.

[croibhristeoir]

Then what, you're planning to kill Sola? Fine. I really don't care enough to stop you at this point.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Not that either.

You're worried that she'll hurt me and others, you said. I will not be part of your reasons to go to her. If that's your reasoning, I won't give her the chance. And I won't have to watch if you choose to return to her anyway.

[croibhristeoir]

...what are you talking about?

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Death is preferable to seeing you ruin your life. I said so already.

[croibhristeoir]

Wh-

[Wait, he couldn't mean...]

...you hypocrite--! You called Sola emotionally manipulative and then turn around to do something like this?!

[stripping.livejournal.com]

Hm. I guess I am a hypocrite in this case.

[croibhristeoir]

Look at yourself. Right now, you're no better than she is.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

[That stings.]

I don't want to be a part of what drives you to her side.

[croibhristeoir]

...I don't know what else I can do, Issei. Either way, she's sure to ruin my life. I would rather choose the route that involves less casualties.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

You've given up hope.

[croibhristeoir]

...

Was there ever any to begin with?

[stripping.livejournal.com]

There was. There always was, because this should not happen. But if you want to resign yourself to a fate you don't deserve, I cannot stand to watch you suffer.

[croibhristeoir]

Then tell me what I should do. I don't know anymore, Issei--I can't stop her, I can't--

...it's not her fault. She can't help it.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

It's not your fault either. Why should you bring all the pain upon yourself? Why should you try to sacrifice everything for others?

[croibhristeoir]

Because that's just what knights do, Issei. It is in our nature--especially mine--to place the well-being of others before our own. If it means sacrificing our lives, then we die so others can live.

And if it should mean giving up all that I have for the sake of those I love, then I will.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

...If it's in your nature then I can't stop you. It would break me into pieces to see you take that course, but I have no method of keeping you from being as noble as you are.

[croibhristeoir]

...

[Every word Diarmuid--Lancer--had said was true. So why was he hesitating now? Why did what seemed like the right thing to do feel inherently wrong?]

['I never asked for anything in return, I never even asked to be thanked for my efforts. If I'm not helping people, then what is the point of my existence?']

[His own Shadow's words echoed dangerously in his head...didn't he say he was finished with that and he wouldn't be subservient to anyone? That...that he'd let himself be just a little selfish now and then? Could he go back on his word now--and could he really put himself before everyone else? How could he live with himself if she hurt anyone else?]

...merciful goddess, I'm turning into my Shadow.

[Lancer sank into a chair, raising his hands to his head--why was he shaking so badly?]

[stripping.livejournal.com]

[Issei knelt beside him, unsure of what to say to his closest friend.] Diarmuid...

[croibhristeoir]

...I'm afraid. I fear nothing, and yet I'm afraid. What the hell is happening to me, Issei?!

[stripping.livejournal.com]

You're human and this situation is horrible for you. And you're trying to change the way you behave and think and that's frightening. I don't know how to soothe you.

[croibhristeoir]

I don't want anyone else to suffer because of her. But I don't want to go back to her either.

Please stop me.

[stripping.livejournal.com]

I'll do anything.