[video]

[king_of_heroes]

[ Another video transmission starts. This time, you'll find Gilgamesh in all of his glory chillaxing on one of his gaudy looking couches, sipping the red wine he loves so much. You may notice he seems more interested in it than what he's actually talking about. ]

It's come to my attention that some of you mongrels are uneducated about who or what Gods are.

You see, in ancient times, the Gods existed as a means to explain why seemingly random things happened in the world. Floods, drought, blizzards, all sorts of works of nature were believed to be the work of various Gods. Everybody civilization dreamt up different sets of Gods to explain things they simply could not. That's pretty much all they were, originally. And then those poor mongrels thought, maybe if we offered things to them, they'll bless us instead of cursing us. Thus, the worship of the Gods began. The earliest kings were even considers Gods due to how much good they did for their people.

The truth is they are all pretty much worthless and you should discredit them all. Especially those that are still worshipped in this age. I've done my fair share of research, and the Gods are now being abused as means for the various governments of the world to rule over the easily influenced sheep of the world. It's sad, really. To think humanity has fallen so low.

[ After a bit of a pause, he sets the finished glass of wine down and actually turns to address his audience. ]

Ah, but I probably gave the impression that Gods never existed, didn't I? That's not entirely true. I'm living proof that at some point, they did live. I suppose if you want to worship a God, I would be the best choice. I'll happily accept any offerings you wish to pile at my feet. I am, after all, the greatest Hero and King to have ever existed. And I am obviously a better choice than these so called "Goddesses", since I'm real and can actually give you kingly advice. You would be stupid to not choose me over them. Of course, you're free to do whatever you wish. I will not be the one to force your hand. I trust you'll do what is right in the end, won't you?

[ And he'll end the video with one of his charasmatic smiles, as if he's actually trying to sell himself. ]

Comments

[king_of_heroes]

...You really are becoming a pain in the ass. Why do I even bother?

[golden_witch]

That's simple enough.
You find me interesting.
I can say that without a hint of ego.

Not to worry, brat. The feeling is mutual.~

Talking to you is the equivalent of teasing a lion in his cage and watching him lunge at the bars.

[king_of_heroes]

Please. You give yourself far too much credit. You're about as interesting as watching blood dry.

[golden_witch]

[Cue a light bit of giggling here.]

Of course, of course.

And yet...you continue the conversation.~ ♥

[king_of_heroes]

Because hanging up on your would be admitting defeat. And that simply isn't going to happen, witch.

In fact, I'm sure I'll think of a way to make you hang up long before I cave in.

[golden_witch]

Is that a challenge, then~? Who can make the other hang up first? If so, then I accept.

Before I say anything else, are there any restrictions to this little game~?

[king_of_heroes]

Of course not. That would make it boring.

I suppose the quickest way would be doing something you disapprove of. But what that is is the question.

[golden_witch]

Marvelous.~♥

And that's for me to know, and for you to miserably attempt at.~

[king_of_heroes]

You've never had a man fall in love with you.

[ Welp, he's just throwing it out there but he's pretty sure it's true. Because what sensible man would deal with such a horrid witch? ]

[golden_witch]

Not that I need to explain to you, but I can assure you this is untrue.
I've had men offer their lives for a glimpse of me.

[She doesn't really have to get into the details of his age.]

Meanwhile, how is your love life progressing? Has your ice queen still banished you to the couch?

[king_of_heroes]

[ Damn it, Beato. HIS ONE WEAK SPOT. ]

I do not sleep on the couch. I have many bedrooms.

Besides, I've little concern over what she does these days. I'm busy doing my own things.

[ At least that's what he's trying to tell himself. ]

But I truly doubt there would be many men willing to throw their lives away from a simple glimpse of you. You're hardly that beautiful. I would say you're a rank or two below Ishtar.

[ Yes, this is an insult considering how he feels about Ishtar okay. ]

[golden_witch]

And I'm sure you've slept in every bedroom but the one she occupies, riiiight~?

I believe this is your way of saying that she's taking a little more time with that handsome friend of hers. What was his name...~?

[Hardly beautiful? Ouch, Gil. Ouch.]

Doubt it all you want. Some men lack the simple tastes you appease yourself with. I don't appeal to you because my body is far too womanly. Curves such as mine can be intimidating, so I understand.~ ♥

[king_of_heroes]

[ ...

He starts to say something.

Something that would totally own her ass and make her cry.

Instead, he just lets out an agitated growl before cutting the feed. ]

[golden_witch]

[Checkmate. ♥]