Lancer || Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
croibhristeoir) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tvk2012-07-17 11:06 pm
croibhristeoir) wrote in tvk2012-07-17 11:06 pm
Entry tags:
⚔ 029; [video]
[In the afternoon, Diarmuid put a call out on the network--running the bookstore was getting off to a rocky start, but he'd managed to get a break at least.]
...This may sound like an odd question, but did anyone else have a strange dream last night? I'm not sure it was like anything else that I've eve--
[Static.]
[The next thing shown was a video of a strangely dreamlike quality, slightly faded and seeming not entirely connected with reality. Images came in a few quick flashes as if a channel keeps being changed in search of something--first is shown a child with bright golden eyes and a brighter smile. He was almost always at his father's side--or hiding behind him, when it came to seeing an average group of women passing by.]
[It was unmistakably Diarmuid, more so when the view switched to the first knight of the Fianna as a teenager, playfully grinning as he sparred against a second knight with flaming red hair. Likely the most notable thing about that last moment was how heartfelt and truly happy his smile was--while he smiled often, it was almost always with some tinge of broken sadness, something he'd never had in those days.]
[Static again, for only a second or two.]
[When that ended, there were no quick flashes--next came images far clearer. This was the story of a knight who never wanted fame, least of all in the way he received it. Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, the unwilling thief of his lord's fiancee that paid for his crime as only a traitor could.]
[There was no static after that, but the video seemed to cut out for a moment; if one listened carefully, they would have been able to hear a possibly familiar voice.]
['In the stories of legend, you are fairly well known for womanizing and adultery. Were you not intending to seduce your master’s fiancée?']
[It had been too much to bear. A lesser knight would have snapped under the strain long before even becoming a Servant. Diarmuid...he was different. He didn't mind accepting others' hatred, as long as he kept to what he believed was the right and honorable thing. But Kayneth...it had been too much. Being so hated and mistrusted, it made him sick and tore at his heart until there was nothing left.]
[That quiet and shy child with the bright smile, that playful teenager surrounded by his friends and fellow knights, that compassionate and self-sacrificing knight...broke.]
['Unforgivable...I'll never forgive you! You dead men who are slaved by fame, you who desecrated the glory of knights... Let my blood stain that dream! I curse the Holy Grail! I curse that your wishes will become disasters!']
[This was a man who had never known hatred, never felt rage until that one moment. No matter how unhappy his circumstances had been in life, he met it all with calm acceptance. And yet over the course of a single Holy Grail War, that legendary calm and patience had been brought down to nothing, crushed under the heel of an equally broken magus.]
[When the illusions broke, when reality cut back into the impromptu recollection of that which he wished he could forget, the video showed Diarmuid looking deathly pale and utterly horrified.]
[Without another word, he cut off the video and sank into the nearest chair with his face in his hands.]
...This may sound like an odd question, but did anyone else have a strange dream last night? I'm not sure it was like anything else that I've eve--
[Static.]
[The next thing shown was a video of a strangely dreamlike quality, slightly faded and seeming not entirely connected with reality. Images came in a few quick flashes as if a channel keeps being changed in search of something--first is shown a child with bright golden eyes and a brighter smile. He was almost always at his father's side--or hiding behind him, when it came to seeing an average group of women passing by.]
[It was unmistakably Diarmuid, more so when the view switched to the first knight of the Fianna as a teenager, playfully grinning as he sparred against a second knight with flaming red hair. Likely the most notable thing about that last moment was how heartfelt and truly happy his smile was--while he smiled often, it was almost always with some tinge of broken sadness, something he'd never had in those days.]
[Static again, for only a second or two.]
[When that ended, there were no quick flashes--next came images far clearer. This was the story of a knight who never wanted fame, least of all in the way he received it. Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, the unwilling thief of his lord's fiancee that paid for his crime as only a traitor could.]
[There was no static after that, but the video seemed to cut out for a moment; if one listened carefully, they would have been able to hear a possibly familiar voice.]
['In the stories of legend, you are fairly well known for womanizing and adultery. Were you not intending to seduce your master’s fiancée?']
[It had been too much to bear. A lesser knight would have snapped under the strain long before even becoming a Servant. Diarmuid...he was different. He didn't mind accepting others' hatred, as long as he kept to what he believed was the right and honorable thing. But Kayneth...it had been too much. Being so hated and mistrusted, it made him sick and tore at his heart until there was nothing left.]
[That quiet and shy child with the bright smile, that playful teenager surrounded by his friends and fellow knights, that compassionate and self-sacrificing knight...broke.]
['Unforgivable...I'll never forgive you! You dead men who are slaved by fame, you who desecrated the glory of knights... Let my blood stain that dream! I curse the Holy Grail! I curse that your wishes will become disasters!']
[This was a man who had never known hatred, never felt rage until that one moment. No matter how unhappy his circumstances had been in life, he met it all with calm acceptance. And yet over the course of a single Holy Grail War, that legendary calm and patience had been brought down to nothing, crushed under the heel of an equally broken magus.]
[When the illusions broke, when reality cut back into the impromptu recollection of that which he wished he could forget, the video showed Diarmuid looking deathly pale and utterly horrified.]
[Without another word, he cut off the video and sank into the nearest chair with his face in his hands.]
[video]
[video]
I am not a great individual and should never have been regarded as such--I am merely someone who tries to make others happy, because if I am not doing that...what is the point anymore?
[video]
[video]
[video]
[video]
Earlier you wondered how someone like Gilgamesh could be subservient to another. And truly, the same can likely be said of many heroes--not all Servants are loyal knights, and others like Caster can be...difficult. So it is with cases like these in mind that a magus may exercise their right as a Master--Command Spells. A magic sigil of sorts in three parts, representing three absolute commands a Master can order to his Servant.
[It was here that he started to sound just a little uncomfortable.]
As long as the command is clear and concise, a Servant can not deny it. For example, I believe on the first night I saw him Gilgamesh's master may have ordered him to withdraw from a fight, which he then did--not without a measure of complaint.
[Diarmuid paused for a moment, again fidgeting with the glasses he held.]
Have I made that mechanic of the war properly clear, before I move on?
[video]
[video]
[video]
[video] 1/2
[Beat.]
...I've spoken two sentences and I think you can already imagine where this ends. [Sarcasm was good at least. It wasn't self-deprecation, and that was something.]
My only mission, my only thought, my only function was to make my Master happy and succeed where I failed in life. His wish was my own, and I wanted nothing from the Grail for myself. My wish had been granted the moment I was summoned, or so I had believed.
But Kayneth...I disappointed him from the very beginning. His original summoning catalyst was stolen, and he had to settle for me in place of Rider--Alexander the Great. And from the very first night of the war, I knew we would not get along as his tactics were...undesirable. But it was not my place to choose how my Master fought, and so I remained silent. As the war went on, it seemed...nothing I did would gain my Master's favor. No matter what, he seemed to look at me with nothing but disdain and hatred.
Eventually Kayneth was injured by Arturia's Master, Kiritsugu Emiya. So much, in fact, that I was going to withdraw and accept failure; if he would no longer seek the Grail, then I had no interest in it either.
....But Sola said he needed a miracle to regain his strength, and abilities, and that he had passed his Command Spells to her.
[There might have been a slight tremble to his shoulders at that, or a near-imperceptible tightening of his hand on the frames of his glasses.]
[video] 2/3 i lied
[The calm rehearsed tone was dissolving fast, cracking and breaking apart into something far more pained and anguished.]
All along she'd been falling in love with me as the days wore on, and all along he believed I was going to run away with her. To hear such accusations and hatred from the one for whom I would have done anything...I would have died for him if he asked me to, and yet I was never anything more than a puppet to him.
I could have accepted being nothing more than his weapon...even merely that would have made me unspeakably happy. But hearing him call me everything that he did, to bear such pain and indignity at the hands of the person who I was prepared to give anything for--
[Diarmuid cut himself off, the increasingly upset tone halted immediately before being replaced with something a bit calmer.]
...I'm sorry. I'm...getting off track. Not very long after, Arturia appeared and challenged me to a duel; we never finished our match on the first night of the war, and I think we both saw it as a terrible injustice to leave it that way. She and I had a wonderful rivalry, rooted firmly in shared ideals of honor and doing the right thing. I don't doubt she suffered more under Kiritsugu than I ever could under Kayneth.
[A quiet sigh.]
I...don't entirely know what happened after that. It seemed as if Kiritsugu made a deal with Kayneth--he'd return Sola under the condition that Kayneth immediately back out of the Holy Grail War.
[video]
[Flatly:] The other way is far more direct.
At the time, I didn't even know what happened. One moment I was fighting Arturia--everything was fine. For that one moment in the war, I was truly happy to meet such a wonderful and worthwhile opponent. But the very next second...I just remember pain and being covered in my own blood.
You see, Ivy, a Servant without a Master can still be a threat. So the only way Kayneth could truly withdraw and leave no danger to Kiritsugu's chances...was something I think he may have wanted to do all along. Just as in life, I was led to a miserable and undignified death by the one I swore everything to.
...And...you saw what happened after that. It was all too much to bear, yet even that is no excuse for the kind of monster I turned into. I hate the Holy Grail, I hate the entire war, I hate Kayneth, I hate Kiritsugu--!
[He stopped himself again, desperate to keep the small amounts of composure that remained. Diarmuid continued in a soft, defeated voice, staring blankly at his hands on the table in front of him.]
I am not a hero. No matter what anyone says, no matter what Father says...I am a hateful, broken shade of someone that once tried to do what he believed in. The pride that person held in himself is split into the barest shreds I can barely hold on to now. If Oscar and the rest of the Fianna could see me now, they would surely be as disgusted with me as I am with myself.
[video]
[She hugged him]
I heard nothing of your fault in your story.
[video]
[It was all impossible. Leaving the battle with Caster would have left Saber undefended, and Gae Dearg was the perfect counter to Prelati's Spellbook. Finding Sola? Kiritsugu was too damned smart for that and Diarmuid damn well knew it.]
[...And nothing he could have done would ever have improved Kayneth's opinion of him.]
I...I hate and pity them both at once and it makes me sick to think I can't just do one or the other. It would be easier if it was just hatred or just pity, but I can't bring myself to choose one or the other.
I never hated anyone before that night. I was never angry, I just...accepted things no matter how difficult they became. But ever since then, I...can't. It's no longer that easy, it never will be again, and I can not articulate how much that hurts.
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I don't think I'll ever understand how anyone can live with such things hanging over them.
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