Dear Die-Ary #3 - Voice - Johnny C.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

[Well, Johnny is in a peppy mood today. Or as peppy as he can be. So he'll actually bother to use the voice function on the device today.]

You know, all things considered, this town isn't as bad as the one I left. Don't get me wrong, from I shithole I came and apparently in a shithole I remain, but at least the feces and waste that is mankind isn't piled as high in this place. A guy bumped into me on the street and actually asked if I was okay. It was nice. So I did what any grateful person would and followed him home but only left a dead cat in his mailbox. I thought about throwing it in the treehouse he had for his kids, but I saw a couple squirrels in the backyard and I was afraid they'd see. Works just as well, I think. I mean he's either going to find the cat soon, or have just the most awkward goddamn conversation with his mailman.

Oh yeah. Considering a trend I've noticed, got a question for you people:

So. Who else here is actually dead?

Comments

[croibhristeoir]

...

[Okay, that was all incredibly strange.]

I am. Twice, though I believe I mentioned that before.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Jesus, both back home or once here?

I've got to give it to you, that is somewhat impressive if you managed to die twice wherever you're from.

Unless you're a vampire.

Are you a fucking vampire?!

[croibhristeoir]

Both of them back home. And I assure you, I am not a vampire.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

So how the hell did you manage that? I mean, pardon me, but is it some weird case of you somehow got two killing blows on you before you dropped dead, or what?

[croibhristeoir]

It's...a little complicated. The simplest way to phrase it is that I had a second chance at life which ended badly.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Why would you even bother?

Life always ends badly. From womb to tomb, we're essentially destined to get stomped on, pissed on, and beaten down. It's a grudge match, between you and forces you can't really comprehend, and they'll always leave you battered and broken at the very end.

I guess I just can't comprehend bothering to take the opportunity for a second chance.

[croibhristeoir]

...There were things I'd left unfinished, you could say.

It's true that life is rarely if ever idyllic. I learned a long time ago that suffering is inevitable regardless of intent or whatever else. Even knowing that's the case, I'd be willing to live with it if it meant others could suffer just a little less.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Everyone has those. No one ever really finishes everything they wanted to.

Why? Usually, it'll be those others who caused the suffering to begin with. That's like petting a lion and telling it it's a good kitty for biting your fucking leg off.

[croibhristeoir]

True enough, but I wanted to try.

Not everyone is deplorable, and not everyone makes life difficult for others. It's those kinds of people that it's my sworn duty to protect.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Then you must only be protecting one or two goddamn people. I realize that not everyone is an asshole. But by and large, most people are.

[croibhristeoir]

...sometimes it does admittedly feel that way. The number of enemies one has does more often than not outnumber their allies, at least.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

The world is an enemy itself. It shouldn't be all that much of a surprise, in the end.

There's the world, and there is you. And somedays, you awaken to the terrifying realization that you are the world.

[croibhristeoir]

Is it really so terrible?

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Yes it is.

How do you deal with being the thing you hate the most, and the thing you have the least chance of fixing?

[croibhristeoir]

...By making sure there's a difference between yourself and them. If only a small, subtle one.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

I tried that.

It didn't work well.

[croibhristeoir]

I suppose sometimes it doesn't.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

It wasn't my fault it didn't work. I just want to make that clear. It wasn't.

[croibhristeoir]

I don't think I said it was.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

Well.

I just wanted to make sure it was clear. That's all.

[croibhristeoir]

Yes, it's clear. I hadn't meant to seem like I assumed otherwise.

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

It doesn't matter if you did or didn't mean to, all that matters is that you understand where fault lies.




Seriously also I've been meaning to ask. How do you get your hair the way you do?

[croibhristeoir]

It's naturally like this, actually. Does it seem strange?

[becomes-cold.livejournal.com]

A bit yeah. I dunno. It's like you have the world's weirdest goddamn bedhead but it somehow looks right.

[croibhristeoir]

Thanks, I suppose. I'm sure I could always hear something worse.