tvk | ⚔ 006; [video/action]

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lancer (diarmuid ua duibhne)

⚔ 006; [video/action]

[phone; morning; locked to Sola-Ui on Saber's phone]

Saber? [He wasn't worried, strictly speaking. Of course Saber could take care of herself, occasional mishap aside. But it was strange that she hadn't returned last night. And the fact that he hadn't heard from her...he almost might have called that 'suspicious'.]

I haven't spoken to you recently, are you alright?

[Surely she was just with Shirou. Right?]

[Intuition rarely failed a knight. And Lancer's was telling him something was not right at all.]

[action; early evening]

[Lancer didn't know what to do. He didn't know anything. The former Servant in glasses sat on a park bench staring blankly at exactly nothing.]

[It was all his fault. Saber had died--by a hand not his own--and it was all his fault.]

[He didn't know what hurt more. The fact that again one of that pair had ruined everything and stolen his chance for a fight with her, or the fact that this would not have happened if he'd kept his mouth shut and just gone along with Sola's obsession. She would have been unhurt, Saber would have been alive, and Lancer...]

[Lancer would have been as miserable now as he was in Fuyuki. A small price to pay.]

[Today he likely looked nothing like the amicable, smiling and cheerful indivudual he so often was--there was a touch of ice in gold eyes, a strange sense of detachment in the way he held himself and stared at nothing. He had to stay that way. Lancer...didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to fly into the screaming anger of that vengeful spirit that had died in the Fourth War.]

[More than anything he didn't want it to keep hurting.]

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Because I would, you idiot! Because you've made friends here! Because Saber would!

...Do you really understand what my relationship with Saber is? Do you realize why I'm so upset about this?

I am the only one allowed to defeat her.

We swore to have a fair and even fight to whatever end, and twice now Kayneth and Sola have intervened and destroyed everything. She did not mourn my death when it happened right before her eyes, of that I am certain. If anything at all, what she should have mourned was the fact that we did not finish what we started!

But you're mourning her now, aren't you? For more reasons than that.

...no. That's the only reason--that and the fact that I could have prevented this.

[Because he couldn't be any closer to her. He just couldn't.]

With what? What could you have done?

...I should have just gone along with her. Or at least have waited to distance myself from her. I should have-...

[It didn't matter. Regardless of what he'd done, something would have been wrong. Lancer had finally begin to enjoy his life without a Master, and going back to Sola's side would have ended up indescribably painful...but at least Saber would still have been alive.]

[He dropped down into the nearest chair, shoulders shaking violently and an almost shellshocked look on his face. This happened. Saber was dead. It was all his fault.]

...should have...done something.

[Issei didn't know how to communicate what he meant except through touch. It was sort of awkward to throw his arms around Lancer's shoulders like this, but he managed.]

You did the best you could with what you knew. It's okay... it's going to be okay...

How will this ever be anything remotely close to 'okay'? If Sola would go this far, what else is she going to do? Why...

why do I do nothing but fail?

[If you thought you heard something remarkably like a sob, Issei, you surely imagined it.]

We're going to figure something out. We're going to make sure this never happens again.

[Couldn't have heard it from how much had his face against Lancer's chest.]

We'll stop this. I promise we will, together.

I have to be the one to do this. Sola would surely only hurt you as well.

Saber is my friend, and I would be happy to make sure Sola got the idea that she wasn't going to do that again ever.

...I don't want anyone else hurt because of me.

[Screw it, have a hug.]

I don't...understand why any of this has to happen. Why does everything keep going wrong?

I don't know. But whatever cosmic jokes are played at your expense, I have every confidence that you can make it out alright.

...I'm tired. I'm tired of everything I do ending in failure no matter what my intentions are. I'm tired of my only wishes being met only with pain and broken promises.

More than anything, I'm tired of being so angry with everything.

I'm so sorry, Lancer. I don't know what to do...

...neither do I.

We are going to make it through this. I promise you. No matter what happens.

I...I know.

She'll never forgive me for this.

Yes, she will. You should know better than that.

...why should she? If I had just...how is this not my fault?

Are you the one who hurt her or had any intention of doing so, or any desire to do so, or any real role in the act?

[He did almost still want to kill her, but Lancer doubted that counted here.]

I...that doesn't mean I'm not still responsible to an extent.

...Really, you people with your self-sacrificing and your self-blaming and everything. I don't understand you at all.

[After a small sigh, he rested his forehead gently against Lancer's. If he wasn't going to believed, he was going to try everything to show honesty before that.]

You're going to do what you can to make up for that, I know, but that doesn't include blaming yourself for the brunt of what happened.

Self-sacrificing is my job. It isn't such a big deal.

[Lancer was honestly a little apprehensive about how close they were, now that he'd taken a second or two to notice it.]

...Why are you so insistent on this?

We're friends. Keeping my friends from being stupid is my function in life, it seems.

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