tvk | [video]

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archer (gilgamesh)

[video]

[ Another video transmission starts. This time, you'll find Gilgamesh in all of his glory chillaxing on one of his gaudy looking couches, sipping the red wine he loves so much. You may notice he seems more interested in it than what he's actually talking about. ]

It's come to my attention that some of you mongrels are uneducated about who or what Gods are.

You see, in ancient times, the Gods existed as a means to explain why seemingly random things happened in the world. Floods, drought, blizzards, all sorts of works of nature were believed to be the work of various Gods. Everybody civilization dreamt up different sets of Gods to explain things they simply could not. That's pretty much all they were, originally. And then those poor mongrels thought, maybe if we offered things to them, they'll bless us instead of cursing us. Thus, the worship of the Gods began. The earliest kings were even considers Gods due to how much good they did for their people.

The truth is they are all pretty much worthless and you should discredit them all. Especially those that are still worshipped in this age. I've done my fair share of research, and the Gods are now being abused as means for the various governments of the world to rule over the easily influenced sheep of the world. It's sad, really. To think humanity has fallen so low.

[ After a bit of a pause, he sets the finished glass of wine down and actually turns to address his audience. ]

Ah, but I probably gave the impression that Gods never existed, didn't I? That's not entirely true. I'm living proof that at some point, they did live. I suppose if you want to worship a God, I would be the best choice. I'll happily accept any offerings you wish to pile at my feet. I am, after all, the greatest Hero and King to have ever existed. And I am obviously a better choice than these so called "Goddesses", since I'm real and can actually give you kingly advice. You would be stupid to not choose me over them. Of course, you're free to do whatever you wish. I will not be the one to force your hand. I trust you'll do what is right in the end, won't you?

[ And he'll end the video with one of his charasmatic smiles, as if he's actually trying to sell himself. ]

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Nothing like the blind leading the blind, I always say.

Implying that I am blind.

Remind me, which one of us lived during the Age of the Gods?

Let's see.

I believe you lived during the age of heathens. Any idiot could call themselves a god, then, riiiight~? Even you.

I am certain that there is a hell. That lends credence to the fact that God exists, doesn't it?

I'm not going to argue with you, witch. I would only be wasting my time.

And I believe I already said some Gods existed. Thought I hardly believe any of them are here without being rended as harmless as we are.

And really, hell isn't that bad of a place. I was one of the Judges of the afterlife. [ According to some of the tablets written about him and Uruk, anyways. She doesn't have to know that little detail, though~ ]

Why do you always assume I want to argue? As if anything anyone says ever penetrates that great thick skull of yours.

What I'm saying is that it takes more than a little proclamation to be a god, so it's nonsense for you to pass yourself off as one here.

Moreover, if you wound up in hell, doesn't that make you a demon?

It all makes sense, now.~ ♥

My divinity has been documented way too many times to count. And if my own word isn't good enough, you could always ask Mother. You know, assuming she turns up eventually.

And you're stupid if you think only demons reside in hell.

So you want me to verify your godhood with your mother?

Every mother finds their child to be the most beautiful. Why would I ask someone as delusional as you are to confirm the same delusion?

You really do make me laugh, brat prince. I always know that talking to you will make my sides ache.~ ♥

And perhaps that is the case, but the majority of hell is filled with people who belong there. You don't strike me as someone who would be there due to your altruism.

You're impossible. You ask for proof, yet won't take any. Perhaps if I still had access to my treasury, you might be a little more willing to accept the facts.

[ Gosh, what could he ever be implying? ]

And really, for being someone that calls herself a witch, you are far to skeptical.

You still have yet to provide me that proof, you know.

And trust me, if I had my powers, I wouldn't have to accept anything but an apology from you.

I'm hardly skeptical, I'm just having trouble believing someone so impulsive and whiny is a king let alone a god.

My word is the only proof you deserve. Honestly, I don't see why I should have to go through such great lengths to statify the curiousity of some small town witch.

And I'd sooner cut my own tongue out than apologize to anyone. Especially you.

Who are you to decide what I deserve, hm~? And I think it's only fair that if you choose to boast and brag like an ass that you back up your arrogance. You bring it upon yourself and then act like you're being oppressed.

Oh, and cutting your tongue out~? Don't tempt me. That can be arranged rather readily and it would save everyone a lot of headache.~ ♥

I believe we've already been over this plenty of times. It's impossible to prove anything when this damned island steals away what makes us who we are.

I'm sure you would love to try, but I don't see that happening any time soon. Although I welcome you to try. Just don't be surprised when you find yourself impaled upon a sword.

You misunderstand...as you usually do.
I'm not asking you to verify anything about who you are.
I'm telling you that until you can, your words are as hollow as your head.
Do try to follow along.~

Not to worry, brat prince. I wouldn't see fit to remove your tongue if only for the aesthetic value. Besides, you wouldn't be half as entertaining without it.~

...You really are becoming a pain in the ass. Why do I even bother?

That's simple enough.
You find me interesting.
I can say that without a hint of ego.

Not to worry, brat. The feeling is mutual.~

Talking to you is the equivalent of teasing a lion in his cage and watching him lunge at the bars.

Please. You give yourself far too much credit. You're about as interesting as watching blood dry.

[Cue a light bit of giggling here.]

Of course, of course.

And yet...you continue the conversation.~ ♥

Because hanging up on your would be admitting defeat. And that simply isn't going to happen, witch.

In fact, I'm sure I'll think of a way to make you hang up long before I cave in.

Is that a challenge, then~? Who can make the other hang up first? If so, then I accept.

Before I say anything else, are there any restrictions to this little game~?

Of course not. That would make it boring.

I suppose the quickest way would be doing something you disapprove of. But what that is is the question.

Marvelous.~♥

And that's for me to know, and for you to miserably attempt at.~

You've never had a man fall in love with you.

[ Welp, he's just throwing it out there but he's pretty sure it's true. Because what sensible man would deal with such a horrid witch? ]

Not that I need to explain to you, but I can assure you this is untrue.
I've had men offer their lives for a glimpse of me.

[She doesn't really have to get into the details of his age.]

Meanwhile, how is your love life progressing? Has your ice queen still banished you to the couch?

[ Damn it, Beato. HIS ONE WEAK SPOT. ]

I do not sleep on the couch. I have many bedrooms.

Besides, I've little concern over what she does these days. I'm busy doing my own things.

[ At least that's what he's trying to tell himself. ]

But I truly doubt there would be many men willing to throw their lives away from a simple glimpse of you. You're hardly that beautiful. I would say you're a rank or two below Ishtar.

[ Yes, this is an insult considering how he feels about Ishtar okay. ]

And I'm sure you've slept in every bedroom but the one she occupies, riiiight~?

I believe this is your way of saying that she's taking a little more time with that handsome friend of hers. What was his name...~?

[Hardly beautiful? Ouch, Gil. Ouch.]

Doubt it all you want. Some men lack the simple tastes you appease yourself with. I don't appeal to you because my body is far too womanly. Curves such as mine can be intimidating, so I understand.~ ♥

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