tvk | 0011000100110011 (Accidental Video)

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0011000100110011 (Accidental Video)

*It's the middle of the night, a good bit after Dark Hour, but Allen isn't asleep. His phone is recording him sitting at his desk, the glow of both his heavily modified desktop computer and a futuristic holographic screen providing most of the lighting. But even in the low light, it's easy to tell that something's eating at him.*

What the hell did I even mention that out loud for? As if the dreams weren't bad enough already...it's almost like I wasn't even thinking before I spoke up.

*He shakes his head and shuts down the holoscreen before grabbing a pot of coffee off of his desk and topping off a mug of the stuff.*

But why that, of all things? Dammit, this is just what I need...

*He rubs his forehead, then starts emptying packets of sugar into the coffee as the phone flicks off.*

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Yeah...I told you I fought there, but I didn't mention how involved I was in it.

*He sets down his coffee and turns away from the camera.*

I...couldn't get out of it without killing anyone.

[Gaignun is silent for a moment, mulling over his words and choosing them carefully.]

That was a very hostile situation. I'm not surprised that its been bothering you.

The worst part is that I didn't even hesitate. I saw him getting ready to throw a grenade, and I just...triggering the Ether was practically reflexive.

In situations like that you can not hesitate.

I know, but...to be honest, it kind of scares me that I could do it like that. Especially since everyone's been on edge lately, including me.

I don't blame you for being scared of that, and like you say with everyone being on edge a situation like that may arise again.

But Allen, that isn't who you are at the core. Yes, you raised arms against someone who would harm you but that does not mean that you are likely to do it on a whim. You don't enjoy hurting people and you acted in self defense.

I know that! Ugh...sorry. Like I said, I've been kind of on edge.

It's just...hard not to think about it, especially with everything that's been going on lately. Not to mention how human some of the Shadows look...

Don't apologize. Admittedly I've been finding those shadows unsettling as well, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

It's probably a pretty common feeling.

But I think most are quick to discount it.

I does help a bit that they don't act human...

*Except for the Lovers Arcana but let's not get into that.*

It does. But anyways...as soon as everything calms down, maybe you should talk to professional. I can sympathize but...

Would anyone from this world believe me? Oh, yeah, I have nightmares because of something impossible with your technology but pretty easy for people from the alternate universe I'm from...

*Sorry, Gaignun. He's been a bit frustrated with how much stuff he used to take for granted is pure science fiction here, and it's boiling over with everything else.*

I meant in general. You're probably dealing with this by yourself at home too aren't you.

I almost wonder if one of our fellow captives may have some training in that area, I wouldn't put it past this place.

Allen, I want to help you, but anything I say will come from a very skewed source on the matter. To be honest, I think I would make it worse.

Back home, the only people around were the crew of the Elsa, Shion, Jr., Mary and Shelley.

*He sighs and clinks his spoon against the edge of the mug.*

To be honest...I don't feel entirely comfortable with bringing this up to someone who otherwise knows nothing about me.

Sometimes a stranger is easier to talk to then a friend, but I do understand how you feel there. [This was one of the reasons that he and Jr. had probably never gone to talk to anyone either.]

What I will say is that having killed someone doesn't make you a bad person, not in the slightest.

Thanks.

*His smile is tired, but...well, what about him isn't tired right now?*

You're welcome. If I can tell you no more, then at least let that sink in.

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