Lancer || Diarmuid Ua Duibhne (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
croibhristeoir) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
tvk2011-09-14 12:29 pm
croibhristeoir) wrote in tvk2011-09-14 12:29 pm
Entry tags:
⚔ 004; [video]
[Why did he feel like talking? Up until recently he'd been concerned with secrecy--he'd finally let himself be honest with Issei, but he wasn't eager to let anything about himself or the Holy Grail War become common knowledge.]
[But...he wanted to talk. Lancer didn't understand why, he just did. But if not about himself and not about anything he'd rather keep secret...then what?]
[Once he'd turned on the video, the former Servant took off his glasses--if he felt like being honest, then he wouldn't need to bother with a weak disguise.]
...Everyone has a wish of some kind, don't they? I mean, it's normal for people to seek their own happiness in whatever form it might take.
[He looked uncertain, voice hesitant--as if he wanted to ask but wasn't sure he wanted to discuss this.]
I think the most common one might be a wish to fall in love. [And oh, had he ever seen plenty of that. Nearly every day of his life had come with a love confession of some kind, and each time he had done all in his power to make the women affected by his curse happy. It wasn't their fault, so how could he dare be cruel to them?] It's rather nice, knowing there's someone for whom your existence is a significant thing. It's no wonder such a thing would be so commonly and fervently sought after.
[...Even Grainne. Especially Grainne. They had thrown aside everything for each other, and Diarmuid had been happy with the choice she made in the end. Even if it meant he was forced to betray everything and everyone.]
But I find myself wondering more often lately...what if someone's wish isn't for their own benefit? If there's someone you would fight and die for without question, no matter how poorly that person thought of you or how bad circumstances were...
[He trailed off, not certain how to finish that sentence or even why he had started it. Here were the innermost thoughts of Servant Lancer, laid out clearly as the result of little more than a moment's uncertainty. When he spoke again, there was a trace of pain and possibly desperation to his voice.]
Please. Tell me--is it wrong to find contentment in only the act of granting others' happiness?
[This was one who had lived his whole life doing all that he could to make other's happy--from Fionn to Kayneth to every single woman he met. And he had been happy. But the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War was making him question so much; about himself, about the redemption he'd sought through winning the Holy Grail, and if any of it had a point.]
[But...he wanted to talk. Lancer didn't understand why, he just did. But if not about himself and not about anything he'd rather keep secret...then what?]
[Once he'd turned on the video, the former Servant took off his glasses--if he felt like being honest, then he wouldn't need to bother with a weak disguise.]
...Everyone has a wish of some kind, don't they? I mean, it's normal for people to seek their own happiness in whatever form it might take.
[He looked uncertain, voice hesitant--as if he wanted to ask but wasn't sure he wanted to discuss this.]
I think the most common one might be a wish to fall in love. [And oh, had he ever seen plenty of that. Nearly every day of his life had come with a love confession of some kind, and each time he had done all in his power to make the women affected by his curse happy. It wasn't their fault, so how could he dare be cruel to them?] It's rather nice, knowing there's someone for whom your existence is a significant thing. It's no wonder such a thing would be so commonly and fervently sought after.
[...Even Grainne. Especially Grainne. They had thrown aside everything for each other, and Diarmuid had been happy with the choice she made in the end. Even if it meant he was forced to betray everything and everyone.]
But I find myself wondering more often lately...what if someone's wish isn't for their own benefit? If there's someone you would fight and die for without question, no matter how poorly that person thought of you or how bad circumstances were...
[He trailed off, not certain how to finish that sentence or even why he had started it. Here were the innermost thoughts of Servant Lancer, laid out clearly as the result of little more than a moment's uncertainty. When he spoke again, there was a trace of pain and possibly desperation to his voice.]
Please. Tell me--is it wrong to find contentment in only the act of granting others' happiness?
[This was one who had lived his whole life doing all that he could to make other's happy--from Fionn to Kayneth to every single woman he met. And he had been happy. But the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War was making him question so much; about himself, about the redemption he'd sought through winning the Holy Grail, and if any of it had a point.]
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[Right. A long time ago, when he still knew the people who composed his childhood. This sounds like something he would have said back then. Then again, upon further consideration, that belief lasted even until that fateful speech in the warehouse where he proclaimed his dedication to saving the world. It's ironic that he would contemplate that moment in front of Lancer, of all people.]
[What... happened? How could things go so wrong that the flame of that desire almost died?]
I see...
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[It took conscious effort to keep the bitterness out of his voice, but he managed. Could humans honestly disrespect the honor of knights as easily as they had done in Fuyuki?]
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[Kiritsugu's tone does have the slightest trace of resentment, although it's mainly stained with an amazing amount of wariness. This event may be making him more talkative, but that doesn't change his history with Lancer.]
Interesting. I've taken part in that way of thinking.
[...Okay, no, that was definitely way more than he should have said.]
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[...That seemed oddly talkative. Lancer obviously didn't know Kiritsugu well at all, but that didn't quite match up with the impression he'd gotten. Add in his own strange desire to speak so honestly, and he had to wonder.]
...tell me, are you also feeling oddly compelled to speak more than usual?
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I am. Has anything like this happened before?
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['Agreed' is still a little too strong a word to use with the Servant you helped kill.]
I won't be able to record them during the Dark Hour, so I'll see if I can use a vantage point to scout.
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[Good ol' fashioned smacking.]
Though I wish we could work out some kind of way to figure out what exactly they'll do on the night of a full moon. It seems like their antics vary a little too wildly to predict.