⚔ 004; [video]

[croibhristeoir]

[Why did he feel like talking? Up until recently he'd been concerned with secrecy--he'd finally let himself be honest with Issei, but he wasn't eager to let anything about himself or the Holy Grail War become common knowledge.]

[But...he wanted to talk. Lancer didn't understand why, he just did. But if not about himself and not about anything he'd rather keep secret...then what?]

[Once he'd turned on the video, the former Servant took off his glasses--if he felt like being honest, then he wouldn't need to bother with a weak disguise.]

...Everyone has a wish of some kind, don't they? I mean, it's normal for people to seek their own happiness in whatever form it might take.

[He looked uncertain, voice hesitant--as if he wanted to ask but wasn't sure he wanted to discuss this.]

I think the most common one might be a wish to fall in love. [And oh, had he ever seen plenty of that. Nearly every day of his life had come with a love confession of some kind, and each time he had done all in his power to make the women affected by his curse happy. It wasn't their fault, so how could he dare be cruel to them?] It's rather nice, knowing there's someone for whom your existence is a significant thing. It's no wonder such a thing would be so commonly and fervently sought after.

[...Even Grainne. Especially Grainne. They had thrown aside everything for each other, and Diarmuid had been happy with the choice she made in the end. Even if it meant he was forced to betray everything and everyone.]

But I find myself wondering more often lately...what if someone's wish isn't for their own benefit? If there's someone you would fight and die for without question, no matter how poorly that person thought of you or how bad circumstances were...

[He trailed off, not certain how to finish that sentence or even why he had started it. Here were the innermost thoughts of Servant Lancer, laid out clearly as the result of little more than a moment's uncertainty. When he spoke again, there was a trace of pain and possibly desperation to his voice.]

Please. Tell me--is it wrong to find contentment in only the act of granting others' happiness?

[This was one who had lived his whole life doing all that he could to make other's happy--from Fionn to Kayneth to every single woman he met. And he had been happy. But the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War was making him question so much; about himself, about the redemption he'd sought through winning the Holy Grail, and if any of it had a point.]

Comments

[Video]

[unknownrival.livejournal.com]

I... [There was so much in Lancer's words that he wasn't saying and so much Issei didn't know.]

You were there. That Persona I released, I wasn't even in danger myself - I was trying to save an idiot who I knew would never fall in love with me the way I did for him. And that was enough for him to come to my aid, to help me with my wish.

A selfless wish isn't a bad thing in and of itself. It isn't wrong.

[Video]

[croibhristeoir]

...I don't think I know for sure anymore.

[He was still so bitter and angry, deep down, but he knew that wasn't fitting of a knight. That anger, as far as he knew, had cursed and tainted the Holy Grail itself in no more than a thoughtless moment.]

All I ever seem to do is disappoint people regardless of my intentions. Can I truly say I wish for others' happiness when all I've caused is pain?

[Video]

[unknownrival.livejournal.com]

Wishing and causing are different things. You've wished for happiness and things have gone worse than you had hoped, so look at what happened, understand why it happened, and do something differently the next time that situation comes up. Try your best, rather than giving up.

video;

[ex_cashcow493]

[ Because there are times when she is away from his side. This being one of those times. Her heart has found some conflict recently, with the actions of Shirou contradicting his words prior and his friends defending such. All gowned up and reminiscent of the warrior she was within her first few weeks here, she'll greet him with a nod. ]

Wishes. [ A hint of coldness to her tone? Detachment if anything as her eyelids shut. They were too heavy with the word to keep open. ] Why must you think of such things on this day, Lancer? On any day?

video;

[croibhristeoir]

...I don't know, Saber.

[Despite what she had said, Lancer knew his bitter words has corrupted the Grail and surely ruined her fondest wish. How could he dare talk about such a subject with her?] Truly, I don't. It's strange, as if there's an unusual weight on my heart I can't shake off. I wanted to talk to someone--anyone.

video;

[ex_cashcow493]

Am I not always around? [ Tilting her head just so that her hair falls over one of her eyes. ] For a little while longer. As I continue to recover, then I will return to where I belong. When I am capable of fighting on my own.

[ Or when she doesn't wake up in the middle of the night with bloodied bandages. Screw modern medicine, I'm from the 12th century, and we just walk this shit off. ]

Wishing for love... ha, my own tale often slips into that sort of story. A bard would find great entertainment with my misery.

[video]

[genius-idiot.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a pretty noble thing to do, if you ask me.

[video]

[croibhristeoir]

That would be the intention of most knights, at least.

[genius-idiot.livejournal.com]

Is that what you are? A knight?

I know I'm not that gracious, and not many people are.

[video]

[protects-soccer.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that! If you like making people happy, then do that!

[video]

[croibhristeoir]

What if all the attempts I make continue to go wrong?

[skaldssong.livejournal.com]

...Sometimes, that's about all someone can do.

[In contrast to her usual tone, the woman's words come out quiet, her intonation almost bitter or resigned. Judging from the slight raising of her eyebrows in surprise, this was unintended.]

I guess I should say that it's not a bad thing at all. Just, I think it's hard to truly find satisfaction or your own happiness that way. That if you can do so you're a very noble person - the term, "too good for this sinful earth" comes to mind.

[croibhristeoir]

I certainly do not claim to be perfect. But I would have been content had I only been able to fulfill my purpose.

1/4

[maguskiller.livejournal.com]

Not wrong. Unwise. Taking an action like that can only lead to miser--

2/4

[maguskiller.livejournal.com]

[Is he speaking to Lancer?]

3/4

[maguskiller.livejournal.com]

[...Something's going on here. He'll attempt to find out what, but for now...]

4/4

[maguskiller.livejournal.com]

Then again, you should already know that.

[Video]

[nrvn-qsr.livejournal.com]

Wishes, or regrets?

[]

You don't sound too well, Lancer.

[Video]

[croibhristeoir]

I'm not feeling all that well, if I'm to be honest.

[Video]

[revivedpianist.livejournal.com]

... It is not wrong.

[Video]

[croibhristeoir]

Even if it seems to only lead to pain?

[Audio]

[berry-paunch.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

[Audio]

[croibhristeoir]

Would you do it, knowing that you could easily cause more anguish than you would joy?

[video]

[greyerrant.livejournal.com]

I have no wish, other than to serve the Emperor and Humanity.

[video]

[croibhristeoir]

I see. Tell me, are you content in doing so?