tvk | ⚔ 004; [video]

[Why did he feel like talking? Up until recently he'd been concerned with secrecy--he'd finally let himself be honest with Issei, but he wasn't eager to let anything about himself or the Holy Grail War become common knowledge.]

[But...he wanted to talk. Lancer didn't understand why, he just did. But if not about himself and not about anything he'd rather keep secret...then what?]

[Once he'd turned on the video, the former Servant took off his glasses--if he felt like being honest, then he wouldn't need to bother with a weak disguise.]

...Everyone has a wish of some kind, don't they? I mean, it's normal for people to seek their own happiness in whatever form it might take.

[He looked uncertain, voice hesitant--as if he wanted to ask but wasn't sure he wanted to discuss this.]

I think the most common one might be a wish to fall in love. [And oh, had he ever seen plenty of that. Nearly every day of his life had come with a love confession of some kind, and each time he had done all in his power to make the women affected by his curse happy. It wasn't their fault, so how could he dare be cruel to them?] It's rather nice, knowing there's someone for whom your existence is a significant thing. It's no wonder such a thing would be so commonly and fervently sought after.

[...Even Grainne. Especially Grainne. They had thrown aside everything for each other, and Diarmuid had been happy with the choice she made in the end. Even if it meant he was forced to betray everything and everyone.]

But I find myself wondering more often lately...what if someone's wish isn't for their own benefit? If there's someone you would fight and die for without question, no matter how poorly that person thought of you or how bad circumstances were...

[He trailed off, not certain how to finish that sentence or even why he had started it. Here were the innermost thoughts of Servant Lancer, laid out clearly as the result of little more than a moment's uncertainty. When he spoke again, there was a trace of pain and possibly desperation to his voice.]

Please. Tell me--is it wrong to find contentment in only the act of granting others' happiness?

[This was one who had lived his whole life doing all that he could to make other's happy--from Fionn to Kayneth to every single woman he met. And he had been happy. But the end of the Fourth Holy Grail War was making him question so much; about himself, about the redemption he'd sought through winning the Holy Grail, and if any of it had a point.]

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Even if it seems to only lead to pain?

If it is worth the pain, then I suppose so.

That's where I keep getting lost. I want to say it's worth the suffering, and yet I'm not certain.

[For a moment, he's silent. Contemplating a good answer.]

... [Then, a smile.] If the person in question is important to you, then I would believe that it is worth it.

[Speaking from experience...]

{Lancer hesitated, his reply coming a little awkwardly when he spoke next.]

What if...you don't know whether they're important to you or if you should hate them?

Now why would you hate them?

I speak of someone to whom I swore loyalty. Truly, I don't wish to speak ill of him, but it's enough to say that we did not entirely get along and...parted on bad terms.

[Depending on where you placed the line between 'bad' and 'holy shit'.]

[For a moment, Neah looks thoughtful. If only because what Lancer was speaking about was... all too familiar.]

Bad?

...He was persistently suspicious of my intentions, and I hardly had a chance to prove I wished only to fight for him. Our contract ended with my death, technically at his hands.

I see.

[He... understands. In a way.] And what kind of "contract" do you speak of?

The kind between a magus and the Servant they summoned.

A magus? [Ah. That's right. Lancer was from a different world...]

To summarize the absolute simplest way possible, one who can use magic. Magecraft, specifically.

... Was it real? The way you felt?

My loyalty to my Master was absolute no matter how little he trusted me or any other circumstances. I would have died for him if necessary, and been happy to do so. Just...not like that.

[Again, he is silent for a moment before he gazes into the camera with a somewhat serious look.] If you do not mind me asking, was there something you did to make your master suspicious of you?

...I can not claim absolute innocence in what he suspected of me. But if nothing else, what I did in the past was not a choice I consciously made.

... He does not seem worthy of your loyalty.

He was my Master. Regardless of anything else, I was bound to serve the one who summoned me and was happy to do so.

Like a puppet.

... [What bothered him the most about that was that he couldn't contradict it.]

Servants exist to fight for the fulfillment of their Master's wish. We are their sword and shield, their best defense and strongest attack.

[Note to self: Give Lancer a bro-hug whenever he sees him.]

And once your contract is over? Are you thrown away?

[He could probably use one.]

That depends. Ideally the Master and Servant that win the war they've entered into each get a single wish. Anything at all, even if it would take a miracle to grant. A Servant could even be granted a solid human form and a second chance at life.

But with seven Masters and seven Servants and only one pair victorious, death is the most common end to the contract.

Edited 2011-09-17 06:44 (UTC)