tvk | ⚔ 006; [video/action]

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lancer (diarmuid ua duibhne)

⚔ 006; [video/action]

[phone; morning; locked to Sola-Ui on Saber's phone]

Saber? [He wasn't worried, strictly speaking. Of course Saber could take care of herself, occasional mishap aside. But it was strange that she hadn't returned last night. And the fact that he hadn't heard from her...he almost might have called that 'suspicious'.]

I haven't spoken to you recently, are you alright?

[Surely she was just with Shirou. Right?]

[Intuition rarely failed a knight. And Lancer's was telling him something was not right at all.]

[action; early evening]

[Lancer didn't know what to do. He didn't know anything. The former Servant in glasses sat on a park bench staring blankly at exactly nothing.]

[It was all his fault. Saber had died--by a hand not his own--and it was all his fault.]

[He didn't know what hurt more. The fact that again one of that pair had ruined everything and stolen his chance for a fight with her, or the fact that this would not have happened if he'd kept his mouth shut and just gone along with Sola's obsession. She would have been unhurt, Saber would have been alive, and Lancer...]

[Lancer would have been as miserable now as he was in Fuyuki. A small price to pay.]

[Today he likely looked nothing like the amicable, smiling and cheerful indivudual he so often was--there was a touch of ice in gold eyes, a strange sense of detachment in the way he held himself and stared at nothing. He had to stay that way. Lancer...didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to fly into the screaming anger of that vengeful spirit that had died in the Fourth War.]

[More than anything he didn't want it to keep hurting.]

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...Talk to me. Please. I don't want to see you hurting like this.

I'm not hurti-

[...no, he couldn't. That would have been a lie.]

-...not right now.

All right.

[He could live with that.]

[Lancer didn't speak until they walked into the hotel room, taking off his glasses and dropping them carelessly on a table.]

[There is, in fact, a baby lion pawing at his feet. You're not imagining that.]

[He knows that's Saber's lion. It's painful to see it there, but he can't do much but wait for Lancer to speak.]

[He knelt down and lightly rested a hand on its head, managing a small but awkward smile.]

Sorry. I still can't quite remember what she called you.

[Lancer straightened up again after a moment, turning to Issei.]

...it was Sola.

...

[No.]

How could that be possible?

I don't know and I don't care. [As Lancer continued, a clear tone of anger worked its way steadily into his words.]

All I know is that were I any less of a knight than I am, I would kill her where she stands--!

[He was shaking visibly; whether from anger or misery, it was hard to tell.]

If I had just...if I had only been more careful, Sola wouldn't--this isn't right!

[Nope, definitely anger.]

She's just like Kayneth--twice now my chance has been taken from me, I am the only one that should ever defeat Saber!

[Lancer had to focus on something. He wasn't in love with her. He couldn't be. So obviously this was what hurt him about the situation, right?]

[At least Lancer wasn't angry at him. Had he been Sola he would have turned and ran.]

L-Lancer, I... [It was hard to interrupt that, still. He didn't want to get Lancer more pissed off.]

...[Deep breath.]

[He didn't want to be angry. That had cursed even the Holy Grail as far as Lancer knew--he didn't want to continue being the vengeful spirit he had died as.]

I'm sorry.

Edited 2011-10-01 03:30 (UTC)

You have nothing to be sorry to me for, nor anything else to apologize for. You didn't know this would happen.

And yet it is my fault. If I had not been so insistent on distancing myself from Sola, she wouldn't have...

It's my fault. It is always my fault.

I don't understand, Issei--why, why was I even made a heroic spirit?! Why am I still alive in this city even though I should be dead? Is it all some sickening joke to ensure my eternal punishment?!

So you should have thrown yourself to the dogs to keep Saber safe when you had no idea that she would stoop to this? Listen to me! This is nothing you could have predicted and it is Sola's fault and not yours!

Why shouldn't I?! If it meant Saber's--no, anyone's safety, then I would forfeit even my life without a second thought!

What makes them worth more than you?! Don't you understand that you have just as many people who would be hurt if you were gone?

I am a knight and Servant whose existence is one meant to protect those who need it! Why should anyone mourn my death now, when I'm sure no one did the last two times?

Because I would, you idiot! Because you've made friends here! Because Saber would!

...Do you really understand what my relationship with Saber is? Do you realize why I'm so upset about this?

I am the only one allowed to defeat her.

We swore to have a fair and even fight to whatever end, and twice now Kayneth and Sola have intervened and destroyed everything. She did not mourn my death when it happened right before her eyes, of that I am certain. If anything at all, what she should have mourned was the fact that we did not finish what we started!

But you're mourning her now, aren't you? For more reasons than that.

...no. That's the only reason--that and the fact that I could have prevented this.

[Because he couldn't be any closer to her. He just couldn't.]

With what? What could you have done?

...I should have just gone along with her. Or at least have waited to distance myself from her. I should have-...

[It didn't matter. Regardless of what he'd done, something would have been wrong. Lancer had finally begin to enjoy his life without a Master, and going back to Sola's side would have ended up indescribably painful...but at least Saber would still have been alive.]

[He dropped down into the nearest chair, shoulders shaking violently and an almost shellshocked look on his face. This happened. Saber was dead. It was all his fault.]

...should have...done something.

[Issei didn't know how to communicate what he meant except through touch. It was sort of awkward to throw his arms around Lancer's shoulders like this, but he managed.]

You did the best you could with what you knew. It's okay... it's going to be okay...

How will this ever be anything remotely close to 'okay'? If Sola would go this far, what else is she going to do? Why...

why do I do nothing but fail?

[If you thought you heard something remarkably like a sob, Issei, you surely imagined it.]

We're going to figure something out. We're going to make sure this never happens again.

[Couldn't have heard it from how much had his face against Lancer's chest.]

We'll stop this. I promise we will, together.

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