tvk | Trolltext warning?

[This text message goes out during the Dark Hour of the 12th. It's from a newbie.]

[Text]

Hello Everybody
Or Anybody Rather
Im Very Confused About A Number Of Things Right Now Not The Least Of Which Being Why I Seem To Be An Earth Human On Earth
But Also Including The Purpose Of This Small Primitive Portable Computer And Who Else Is Able To Access This Network
Id Experiment More But Probably My Most Pressing Problem At This Exact Instant Is The Presence Of What I Would Be Inclined To Describe As A Vast Mob Of Roaming Undead
Though Im Not Completely Out Of My Element Here And Would Like To Think Ive Done Well With A Temporary Solution Which Is Why Im Taking The Time To Type All These Silly Words While Under Attack
But I Guess To Cut To The Chase Somewhat There Is A Question I Really Need To Ask Which Is
Does Anybody Know Where I Can Procure A Functional Chainsaw?
Mine Is Broken And Stuck In Lipstick Mode
The Timing Is Really Apalling And Unlikely Which Is Exactly Why Its So Typical
But Im Camping Out In A Decently Well Sealed Structure For Now And Am If Not Defenseless Then Basically Offenseless
And Would Appreciate Assistance Of Any Kind

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You have a lipstick mode on your chainsaw? Yeah, besides that, I can kill stuff that's in your way, no problem.

I prefer to think of it as a chainsaw mode on my lipstick, but it's a pretty trivial distinction all things considered.

Also, I appreciate the offer but it's become apparent that I don't really know how to communicate where I am. The architecture here is kind of... samey.

I've seen a couple chainsaws and I'm not really sure how you'd work that out.

Uh, okay. Can you read any of the signs or just any stuff?

The hive opposite this one is more tackily decorated than most of the others and features a small tower that says "McDonalds." If you're familiar with the area I imagine it's an incredibly distinctive landmark with no near duplicates.

...Yeah, I think we've got a couple of those. What else is near it?

It was a little too dark to get a look at the personal logo inscribed on the outer walls of the hive I'm currently in, but it's a one-story structure with a large mechanical door, and also it's full of primitive vehicles and machinery that I assume facilitates either their construction or repair.

McDonal's across from a car garage? [His memory is thankfully really good, as these are not actually landmarks one would pay attention to normally.] Okay, I think I know.

Could you ask that one question at a time?

We're still trying to find an answer to that.

I'm afraid I don't even know what a chainsaw is. However, if you could give me details on your location, I would be only too happy to find and escort you to safety.

Arriving here does tend to be a difficult thing for many of us. It's hardly raising a fuss to be concerned about your predicament.

If I can answer any of your questions, I would be only too happy to.

...A miracle.

[And he wasn't being sarcastic. Lancer, even after all this time, could think of nothing short of the Holy Grail that could have power like that.]

You were turned into a human as well. Am I correct in assuming that?

[Wow, someone that tl;drs almost as much as he does? This is an amazing night indeed.]

Wow, okay. First thing is first, this Prospero. A weird little island off the coast of America. Which... really isn't that important at the moment considering the danger you're in but I thought I might as well inform you of that much.

Every night, the island, and the island alone experiences some strange phenomenon known as the dark hour or something like that. Weird stuff happens, like coffins in the streets, most electronics not working, those... zombie things attacking... I think you get the picture.

Anyways, I'm pretty sure there has to be some sort of hardware shop that has a chainsaw or two. Heck, with the right materials I could probably customize one for you. Though, I'm not sure I can exactly accomplish a... lipstick chainsaw, really.

Oh, and you might want to start running. Like, now. Unless you're in a somewhat safe place.

Oh, well. That's good then.

And that's perfectly fine. I can try to answer whatever questions you have. Though I might not have all the answers yet.

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