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saber (arturia pendragon)

♚ ｄｅａｔｈ　ａｎｄ　ｒｅｂｉｒｔｈ

☙VIDEO;

[ Saber is seen tangled up in a red blanket (which she totally pilfered from Gilgamesh's abandoned home) with a pair of lion cubs licking the other's face and neck, one of them slightly larger than the other. It seems the larger one enjoys the blanket as it continually rubs it's nose against it, neglecting attention to the younger cub. Saber herself seems to be doing well. Hard to believe she was killed just a while back. ]

It seems people come and go here as often as the sun sets. [ Casually spoken without a hint of despair to it. ] Is there anyone you have noticed that has gone missing? This is a realm where death is a cruel joke, hardly to be taken seriously at all, but it still pains one's heart all the same. The same with people who leave here. If you require protection during your stay, no matter how brief or long it may be, I ask that you seek me out. I am with my knights within this place and can assign a chosen to assist you.

[ A pause, almost as if she wants to speak on something else. Instead, she shakes her head and cuts the feed. ]

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Move in with us. Become a proper knight of mine.

Wh-

[Whatever Lancer was doing in the kitchen, he just dropped everything he was holding.]

[How on earth had it come to this? Strange that should be his first thought, but it was. How could a king and knight on opposing sides have wound up in this position? Yes, they were allies against a common enemy in the Shadows, but...he still wanted to fight her. Could he bring himself to kill her? Lancer still didn't understand exactly why her death had struck him so hard. It was more than simply losing a worthy opponent, he knew that.]

Saber, I...

[Could he say yes? He wanted to--he wanted so badly to have one last chance. To fight for another as a loyal knight should have. But at the same time...it couldn't be so easy.]

[Diarmuid's loyalty had been to Fionn mac Cumhaill, and he'd defied him.]

[Lancer's loyalty had been to Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi, and he'd failed in every possible way.]

[How would he hurt or defy Arturia Pendragon?]

[Lancer stared blankly at the floor, involuntarily running through the bitter thoughts he would never admit having. She would have forgiven me when Fionn didn't. She would have given me a chance when Kayneth wouldn't.]

...You wouldn't want me as one of your knights, Saber.

[It was moments like this Lancer couldn't help but feel a deep sense of self-loathing.]

Edited 2011-10-15 03:25 (UTC)

I understand.

[ There's no hesitation in her words as she instantly closes herself to the concept of adapting him as a knight. Not many men would be bold enough to reject King Arthur's proposal to become a Knight of the Round Table, but how did she ever expect someone who wanted to defeat her to be her knight?

Lancelot and Gawain may give her all sorts of hell for it as well.

Rolling back onto her side, her head follows, golden locks moving to cover her face mostly. It was an innocent way of hiding her expression just in case her eyes chose to betray her.

Despite that, the cubs give her away as one of them moves to lick at her face in an attempt to comfort her, the other curling up alongside her back. Yes, that lion is spooning her. Deal With It. ]

...It's not...It's not that I don't want to.

[He had spoken thoughtlessly before--surely that had offended her somehow. Lancer wasn't so clueless as to think otherwise, even if she'd turned away like that.]

[So he had to explain, for her sake if nothing else.]

Truthfully, I would be honored to accept. I can't think of anything I would like more than that.

But...I can't, Saber. [Lancer crossed his arms over his chest, looking distinctly hurt and conflicted by this conversation.] I am a knight who has left nothing but defiance and pain in his wake, and I don't...

Forgive me. I don't want to fail you too.

No.

[ It was a feeble attempt to get him to silence himself. There was nothing more that needed to be said on the topic. He denied her and she must accept it.

So why?

Why was he giving her an excuse for it? ]

You are honorable. [ Much too honorable to associate with a failure of a king as herself. ] So please do not concern yourself with explanations. I do not deserve them nor do you owe them to me.

...you're wrong. You deserve an explanation if nothing else.

No matter how much I wish I could simply accept, I know that doing so would only lead to me hurting you regardless of my will. And you are far too significant to me to risk doing that.

[Yeah, he said that.]

[ Denying her was hurtful. Not that she's allowing him to know that much as she lays still as death, barely breathing. She can steal a glance towards him through golden wisps of hair, but chooses not to. Seeing him may only conjure feelings that shouldn't exist. ]

[Idiot. Idiot. Idiot.]

...it's too late to prevent that, isn't it?

[Why did he do nothing but make mistakes? It was frustrating, even excruciatingly painful to know he was cursed to repeat a life of anguish and betrayal. Why? Were the mistakes of his lifetime so unforgivable that he was condemned to never escape this cycle?]

[Hesitantly, he crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed with his back to Saber. Did he even deserve to look at her at this point?]

Is it...alright if I ask you something?

You can always ask whatever it is on your mind.

[ It hurts, but he's already been forgiven. Grudges were not her thing and so she turns her head to look over his back. After all, it was rude to not look at someone when they address you. ]

Is it strange for a Servant to wonder...why they're even a heroic spirit in the first place?

[Why him, of all people? Lancer could think of many others among the Fianna that were surely better suited to the status of 'heroic spirit'. And he didn't doubt for a second that they were among the Throne of Heroes. But why him? When compared to Fionn and the others, what made Diarmuid worth a second or even a third chance?]

[A little research had revealed his name wasn't particularly well-known in this age, even among heroes of his own country. And experience reminded him there was little he had done that one could consider truly heroic.]

[He wasn't Fionn mac Cumhaill. He wasn't Cu Chulainn. He was just Diarmuid Ua Duibhne, famed for stealing another man's wife and running away.]

[At that moment, he was legitimately afraid...if only at the half-insane thought that he was only made a heroic spirit to suffer the same cycle again and again.]

I cannot answer that.

[ There's a pain in heart for being unable to answer his question. After all, Saber in her dying breath, asked the World to give her a chance. In doing so, she surrendered her soul to the planet, being without the chance to ever go to Heaven or Hell.

It was a crime against God. Her religious beliefs torn, it left her in a strange state. Saber was unable to phase into a spiritual form because she had yet to die. Even here... she was pulled from her dying breath, not even having the chance to become a proper Counter Guardian. ]

I was not a chosen one. I struck a deal for the chance myself.

[ And if King Arthur wasn't a chosen Heroic Spirit, then maybe he could feel a bit better about himself. ]

Edited 2011-10-15 06:25 (UTC)

...I see.

[There was no judging or disappointed tone in his voice--simple acknowledgment, nothing more. He admired that, in a way; had Diarmuid known what awaited him after his death, he might possibly have been horrified.]

[When Lancer spoke again, it was quietly and in a voice that betrayed just how lost he felt.]

I don't know why I'm here, Saber. I don't mean that as in 'why were any of us brought here', I mean 'I don't know why I keep getting second chances'. I was so happy when I was first summoned because I thought for sure I would get a chance to make up for the way my life had gone. When everything went wrong, I thought that was the end of it--truly the end, this time.

Then I woke up here. I don't...I don't understand anymore, Saber.

It feels as if I'm seeing my only chance at redemption dangling on a string in front of me...and being continuously pulled out of reach at the last second before I can grasp it. [Lancer's voice shook audibly, eyes focused steadily on the floor. He sounded genuinely hopeless for the first time, confused and clearly pained by this.]

All I want is to do what I believe is right. Why is it that all my attempts lead to is pain and betrayal? Why am I still here if not to repeat such a thing again and again?

[ The bed shakes a bit, as if Saber was shifting around on it. Must be one of the lion cubs causing problems. ]

[ Suddenly, there's significant weight placed against his back as lithe arms draped down over his shoulders. Without hesitation her hands clasp together below his neck, Saber embracing him. ]

You ask way too many questions, Lancer. Will you ask why the sky is blue and why rocks sink within the ocean next? The answers you want will never be bestowed upon you. Man has spent centuries looking for answers to questions they can never discover.

[ Gal comes up and nestles alongside Lancer's side on the bed. Even the animals were picking up his distress, wishing to comfort him in the same manner their leader was. ]

For example, what is the meaning of life? [ ~~Not Sorry.~~ ] Do you think you would ever find that answer? No, only those who have been lucky to be graced by God's light can ever see such things and even then it is a rarity.

So cease with the never-ending struggle to understand and just enjoy the chance you have been given. [ Sighing into the back of his shoulder. ]

I have been ready at your hand, to grant whatever you would carve. Will you not seek respite while you are here?

...?!

[He froze up for a moment upon realizing what she was doing, but only for a moment. Lancer didn't have nearly enough energy left to bother being flustered or confused about it.]

I don't know if I can. I barely know where to start. Already I've hurt you by actively trying to avoid hurting you.

If I accepted your offer and became one of your knights, I would be happier than I've been since I was alive. But I know it would not last long until I failed you somehow. And if I was to endure such a failure a third time, I don't think I could take it.

[He reached up and lightly rested his hand on her arm, carefully. As though he thought she'd pull away like he'd burned her somehow.]

...I don't know what I should do.

Then you begin with that. [ It was simple in her mind. ] Do not concern yourself with protecting my emotions. Doing so leads you to keeping things from me and ultimately it will tear us both apart.

Just.. [ A defeated sigh. ] .. do as you please. It is an impossible request for knights, but one we must learn to obey.

You're right...on both counts, really. It does sound impossible. But as long as we're here, there's little else we can do.

Who would have thought living such normal lives would be a challenge?

We've lived for so long in service to someone or something other than ourselves...how could we even begin to truly comprehend an era we don't even belong in?

Would it be easier if we swore ourselves to each other?

What do you mean?

I pledge my loyalty to you and you do the same unto me. That way we are in service to someone..

I think that...I would like that, Saber.

And if...knowing my name and the kind of history I have, if you would truly trust me enough to ask me to be one of your knights...I don't want to refuse such a request.

Then we will do what we must. A ceremony of the sort? [ Asking him if that's his preference and all. Generally she knighted people in private herself. ] If that is what you seek, then you can have it. I am not the sort of person to go back on my word.

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