tvk | ⚔ 008; [video; morning of 10/24]

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⚔ 008; [video; morning of 10/24]

[ooc: This is a joint post with

caliburns, because misunderstandings happen a lot with these guys. Expect responses from both of them.]

[The phone fell to the floor when a small misstep caused Lancer to nudge the table it was on--in accordance with Murphy's Law, of course the video turned on. For the moment, it focused mainly on a lump of sheets and blankets a skilled eye might recognize as Saber. Just offscreen, a familiar voice could be heard muttering to himself.]

...thought for certain it was here yesterday, it's not as if it could just wander off.

[Lancer wandered onscreen, mostly in the background as he carefully examined yonder closet.]

[Now, Prospero, you may well notice three things about Lancer. One is that his hair is notably disheveled. Another is that he has a nasty looking pair of scars from some kind of stab wound lined up on his chest and back.]

[The third, directly following the second, is that he's not wearing a shirt. Sharing a room with Saber and not wearing a shirt. Scandalous. ~~Also hot damn.~~]

Are you awake, Saber? I seem to have lost something. [Pause.] Additionally, I think that perhaps we should discuss last night. That was an occurrence of no small significance for both of us, I think.

[Silence. The blanket lump shifted--you have disturbed the sleeping lion, Lancer.]

...It is at least safe to say I will be feeling the effect of that final thrust for some time yet, Lancer.

...perhaps the conclusion was a bit more forceful than I'd intended, yes.

[WELL SHIT PROSPERO, DOESN'T THAT SOUND LIKE AN INTERESTING CONVERSATION. TOO BAD, VIDEO CUTS OUT THERE.]

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I care not for your reputation of the past, Lancer. I mean .. even now.. I..

[She didn't? Lancer knew that shouldn't have been surprising to hear, and yet...somehow it was.]

...I'm listening, Saber.

Never mind it, Lancer. We have things of greater importance to discuss. You made mention of it last night, no?

Ah...right. I did say something like that, didn't I?

If you would still be willing to listen, I might like to speak freely about it for a change.

I will always listen.

[ Even if she's curling back up fully in the bed. Saber pile will listen. ]

...I know that it has been a very long time for you, so I would not assume you remember every detail of the fourth war.

But do you remember the last day we met before coming to this city?

[Lancer certainly did. But it was hard to forget one of the top contenders for 'worst day of my life'. More so considering his Noble Phantasm through his heart wasn't something easily forgotten.]

A very long time.. that is all too true.

[ Her voice is distant as she thinks back to it. Her life was almost gone before she arrived here. She should have been dead and her life should be devoted to Gaia. ]

Of course I do.

I see.

[So she really was different from other Servants. No matter--it really wasn't his business to ask if she didn't wish to speak of it. Saber's circumstances were nothing Lancer needed to know, and so he wouldn't dare interrogate her about her.]

I...want to talk to you about what happened just before we crossed paths that final time. I confess it's been weighing heavily on my mind and heart until last night. But now, I really just...want to speak of it so it can truly be done and over with.

...you'll listen, won't you?

Edited 2011-10-30 04:13 (UTC)

I will always listen to you, Lancer.

[ It was a simple phrase, but powerful in it's own way. After all, Saber was sworn to him above all others. ]

So will you speak?

...I'll try. It's unfortunately not an easy thing to speak of.

[Lancer closed his eyes and sighed--when he opened them again there was something blank to them. As if he'd killed off some measure of his own emotions in order to simply tell her this story. Which wasn't all that untrue; he felt a crushing sense of shame about what happened that night.]

[But after their duel last night...no, this was the final thing that weighed him down. If he simply spoke of it, allowed it into the open with the one he trusted, then...maybe the fourth war could truly be over for him. Diarmuid could finally truly start over.]

I don't need to tell you that my Master and I did not get along. From the first day I was summoned he didn't trust me. My loyalty meant nothing to him. Perhaps his suspicions had merit given my past, but...even my word was not enough. And he refused to give me a chance to prove my loyalty to him.

After Sola disappeared during the fight with Caster, I did all that I could to find her. Ultimately, I returned alone--Kayneth didn't exactly like that.

I tried to explain that I had only a weak connection to her, but he still blamed me for losing track of her in the first place. It wasn't until he called me a womanizer that I realized why he didn't trust me all that time. He'd thought I would run away with Sola as I had done with Grainne.

[His voice was almost deadpan. Almost. There was a faint shaking quality to it, as if the pain he'd felt at his Master's words had still been lingering all the months he'd been in Prospero.]

That day was when everything finally clashed. Kayneth's distrust in me and my own desperation to prove I was nothing but loyal to him...I can only call it desperation, at that point. We ended up arguing, which was really less of an actual conflict and more Kayneth getting angry when I tried to explain myself.

[...hm. Lancer realized his vision was blurry. Why was that? He wasn't crying over this, was he? He'd done enough of that in Fuyuki. The former Servant closed his eyes, trying to keep his voice steady.]

'Presumptuous puppet. No matter what you are only a Servant. You are only a shadow that can stay in the real world through magical means. The glory and pride you speak of is only a trick that the spirits of the dead use to confuse the people of the world.'

I don't understand what I ever did to deserve a Master who could say that to me or to any heroic spirit. Who could so willingly destroy my pride--the only thing I had left--and not even care.

It was hardly more than five minutes later that we crossed paths for the last time.

[Lancer raised a hand to the scar over his heart, eyes still closed as he spoke--despite how steady he'd kept himself, there was an anguished look on his face. He just wanted this to be over with--to dismiss his former Master as irrelevant and finally be able to start again.]

...you know what happened after that.

This is why Servants are meant to remember what has happened in prior wars.

[ A careless comment spoken without restraint. It takes her a moment to realize that it was something he might take offense to, Saber tilting her gaze so that she can look up towards him. His own eyes were closed, but it doesn't stop her from staring intensely up at his face. ]

I wish I could eliminate those memories from your mind. [ It's strange really. Saber never really wished for anything other than to erase her own existence, to replace herself as the forever king in the hopes that Britain could trust who lead them. ] Then perhaps you could begin a new life in this place.

[ She understands though. More than anyone else, she's willing to guess, as she sits there feeling helpless. If she's unable to resolve her own issues, how can she ever help him put his mind at ease? The Master who she's cursed is here in this place..

.. as her lover's father. Soon enough he was going to get involved and even though she's certain Shirou would stand for her... ]

Ah. [ Placing her hand own over her heart, she gives a tiny sound of her pain, the emotions enough to leave her in immense physical pain. ] There are several people here who would.. insist otherwise, Lancer. I assure you of that much. Right? Have you not made allies in this place? You have many things to be proud of, so allowing the demons of the past to plague your thoughts.. it will only dampen your spirits and trudge down your name. So think nothing of it.

...That is...why I told you. [Lancer finally opened his eyes again, glancing over at her as well.]

I want to start over. Our fight has helped me to reach a measure of resolution I never before realized possible. I wish to fight for myself and my own purposes rather than for Fionn mac Cumhaill or Kayneth Archibald El-Melloi. In this place, my purpose is to fight alongside you. I trust you unquestionably, and unlike Fionn or Kayneth I know you would do the same.

[He lowered his hand from his chest, sighing softly.]

There is nothing I would like more than to forget my own doubts and my former Master's words. For the first time since I was alive, I have friends and allies. I...simply want to live without guilt, as I once did. So I told you all this, in the hope that finally saying it would give me the ability to dispel that last weight from my heart.

Has it?

[ Dispelled that last weight in his heart and all? A simple question in which she waits for the answer for, buying her time to recover from the own emotional blow she dealt herself. Lancer needs her at her finest right now, so why was she thinking of Kiri?

Why was she thinking of Kiri taking Shirou away from her? ]

I admit I am not the best suited to speak with as I lack the ability to comfort others, but I will always listen, Lancer.

I'm not certain. Perhaps it isn't so simple to dismiss such things. But...I think it's less prominent now. Even if it may take time, I think...being able to confide in someone is enough for me.

I thank you for that, Saber. And for the conclusion to our fight--I may have needed that more than I realized.

As I doubt I am all that skilled in comforting others I would not ask such things of you. Knowing you will listen is more than enough, and I extend the same offer to you whenever you should need it.

[A pause--his vision was still slightly blurred for reasons Lancer wouldn't dare admit to, but he smiled faintly regardless.]

I truly am fortunate to have met you here. And everyone else, as well. Your companionship as well as theirs is more than I ever could have asked for.

[ There's nothing she can say. No, all she has are her actions. Moving out of the bed, she moves with a steady grace expected of her. Within seconds, her bare fingers trace below his bottom eyelid, wiping away any possible tears. ]

[He went very still at that, surprised. But he didn't protest or give a word of complaint, simply allowing her to do as she wished.]

...thank you. I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep you here all day while I do nothing but talk.

You'll...probably want to return to Archer's home soon.

[He had to remember that. She wasn't going to stay, and that was fine. He had no right to stop her from leaving just so he wouldn't be alone.]

Edited 2011-10-31 03:08 (UTC)

Lancer.

[ Her hand stops on the upper part of his cheek briefly. ]

Are you upset that I am staying with Archer?

...Where you live is your choice. I would not ask otherwise, least of all when neither of us are severely wounded and I can therefore not believe it to be for either of our protection.

I'm...not upset, Saber. [Because he couldn't be, not about this. Why should he be? They were both knights of equal standing here. Asking her to stay just because he was pathetic enough to be lonely...how ridiculous.]

[If Diarmuid had just told his first lie, he'd done it to himself far more than to Saber.]

Alright.

[ There's no reason to suspect he's telling an untruth, but she remains close to him, almost as though she were afraid to pull away. ]

I keep my phone under my pillow at all times, Lancer.

Saber, please--...

[Lancer stopped himself as soon as he was aware he was actually speaking. He couldn't ask her to stay. No matter how he wanted to, no matter how easy it would have been to say...he couldn't. And he had no idea why. Would it be a slight against her honor to say he wanted to stay by her side? Would she think he didn't believe she could protect herself on her own?]

[All he knew was that he hesitated to ask her. The Fianna didn't hesitate--purity of our hearts, strength of our limbs, and action to match our speech. They spoke only that which they could support with what they did. If he asked Saber to stay, he would have done everything in his power to make it worthwhile. To make her happy like he could not do for the last two he had given his loyalty.]

-I...

[But it surely wouldn't be enough. Because in the end, loyalty was all he could give--nothing more. Gilgamesh had everything, Shirou Emiya had his love for her, and ultimately Diarmuid had nothing.]

[He couldn't ask.]

[So why was he trying to say something?]

Edited 2011-10-31 03:45 (UTC)

[ The feeling of dread begins to seep into her mind as she her body grows deathly still. It's with the chill of the air that the realization strikes her: the cool wetness along her index finger wasn't their imagination.

Slowly she withdraws her hand away a bit, but not entirely. Fingertips resting on his cheek, she remains drawn in towards him for the moment. ]

Lancer. [ It's a struggle to say his name now. ] What reason do you deny me your words? Have I not proven myself to be a suitable listener? My own in return are lacking, but if I must conjure the words, then I shall. It is hardly honorable that you speak and speak while I do nothing but listen.

[ That must be it. It has to be it. ]

As of this moment, I clear you of any wrongdoings your previous Master has left upon your mind. Allow his words to leave your mind as they have your lips and instead embrace those who have come to appreciate you here. Those who you train need you.. that need us. If we are to do battle side-by-side, then you must vanquish those long since expired thoughts! Let not the insults of a coward who never gave you a chance in the first place weigh you down as though you were an anchor in the sea. Let not the insults of a man who never forgave you when love forsaken him bind your hands and prevent you from using them for your own battles!

[ Her other hand ignores the sheets around her form (thankfully they remain intact) as she grabs at his shoulder, a look of desperation visible in her eyes for just a brief second. ]

Lancer, if you will not dismiss your guilt, then I shall be the one to burden it instead of you! Will you not begin your life anew here with me at your side? I have sworn myself to you and only to you in this place. I am your shield. I am your spear. So why do you only treat me as though I am a prized possession you must keep at a distance?

[He was struck speechless at that, for a moment or two. She was right...this wasn't fair to her. They were equal. So why should he be afraid to ask her something so simple?]

...forgive me. It was not my intention to upset you, and for that I apologize.

[He was no less than any other hero or Servant. And he stood on equal ground to the knight he now spoke to, each sworn to the other in turn rather than one superior to the other. It would be no step out of line to speak his mind.]

Saber, I...I want you to stay here. I have neither concrete reason nor understanding of why I seem to think being alone is a fate worse than death, but I know I wish to be by your side and have you at my own.

['Action to match our speech'.]

[He didn't know what he could really do to justify such a request. But damn it, he was going to try his hardest.]

I leave the choice to you--I would not dare think less of you should you refuse.

Stay here?

[ It was so simple of a request that she's struck in shock for it. That is what he kept from her? ]

[He was kind of still getting used to the whole 'equal' and 'hi I'm my own individual' things.]

...it's strange, I know. Perhaps I shouldn't have asked.

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